Breathe Me
by sulpicia29
Summary: Some afternoons never work out the way you planned. Liley.
1. Earth and Sky

**A/N: So I have been MIA for the past few weeks and should have been working on other stories, but nevermind. I just got inspiration to write this short completed story first. Inspiration comes from _Fingersmith _by Sarah Waters which I do not own as well as from the song _Breathe Me_ by Sia. Oh and of course Hannah Montana!! I own none of these things, they just lead me on to write crazy fanfictions.**

**Rated M for a reason, sorry if you don't like.  
**

**Breathe Me**

_Help, I have done it again_

_I have been here many times before_

_Hurt myself again today_

_And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame_

I am being slowly consumed. I am being slowly consumed by the boy whose body lies on top of mine. His weight is pushing me down into his mattress below me whilst all the air is filled with his masculine scent. His mouth is against my own, moving cautiously against my lips and my mouth is writhing beneath his touch in response. His body presses down harder and I feel something unusual at the place where our hips meet. My eyes jerk open and my cheeks are flushing from discomfort. I am feeling hot now, claustrophobic and I gasp for breath as he tears his lips away from mine. When I open my eyes again, I am faced with a pair of concerned irises flickering across my face. I cannot help but smile at the look of worry that has settled on his kindly features; he looks so young.

"Are you okay Lilly?" He mumbles and cannot take his fretful gaze away from me.

I smile in return and shift uncomfortably beneath him, "I'm fine Oliver. I'm just feeling a bit hot…and nervous." I am smiling sheepishly while trying to avoid eye-contact.

Oliver nods, "Yeah, me too. I've never done this before." He clears his throat and pulls himself off my body. He sits on the edge of his bed and runs his hands through his shaggy, brown hair to primitively comb it back into place. Oliver turns and smiles, patting the space beside him on the bed, "Come and sit with me, we need to talk."

I nod and join my boyfriend and he reaches over to take my hand where he twists our fingers awkwardly together. We sit for a few moments in silence and I find myself longing for the days when quiet between us was comfortable, instead of our growing insecurities as our relationship becomes more serious.

"Lilly?" Oliver is the first to break the silence between us, and I am grateful because I cannot find any words. I blink and turn to him, smiling shyly whilst he seems flustered, although I know that he is about to ask me something. "I really, really like you. I've had so much fun the past few months since we've been dating and…if you are; I think I'm ready to take our relationship to the next level…?" He trails off here as he looks to me with a host of emotions that flicker in his eyes.

I can read Oliver because I have known him for almost of my life. I knew when he was crushing on me two years ago when we were fifteen, but I chose not to look in that direction because we were too young and we were best friends. I know what he means by the _next level_ though, and that is what is making my throat so dry and my palms sweat. I cannot look at Oliver for the moment and cast my eyes about his room, as if to search for a reason why we should not, other than the sense of dread that is instilled within my chest and constricted breathing.

Finally I part my lips and turn back to my boyfriend, "The next level?" I repeat his question and it sounds lame, the words are dead within my arid mouth.

Oliver panics and he stands up to pace up and down his room whilst I squeeze my hands together in front of me, in a secret prayer that this is not really happening. "Y-you know what I mean." He states finally, but his gaze is more concerned with the floor than my face. He is scared.

I look on at him with a blank expression whilst my insides twist. We are now seventeen and everyone at school seems to be _getting it on_ except for us and Miley, of course, but then she does not currently have a boyfriend. I think that this was one of the main reasons why he suggested that we should get together in the first place, the pools of available girls were quickly drying up and Miley would never be so desperate. Thus I mimic Oliver in his sudden interest in his floor, unable to meet his eyes in case he should see the lie that lurks within my own; I do not love him. I draw in a breath and then exhale it shakily, "You want to have sex?" I answer and my voice is quiet, weak sounding.

Oliver glances upward and our eyes connect for an instant, "Yes." He whispers.

I feel myself wince and I look away, fear is quickly acknowledging itself within every fibre of my being, because I know that I am not ready to have sex with Oliver Oken. "I-I dunno Oliver." I stutter, "I just don't think I'm ready for that yet." My answer is honest, but he is not deterred.

"Come on Lilly, we've known each other for ages. Who better to lose it to than your best friend? I promise I'll take real good care of you. I've already got the stuff."

"Stuff?" I repeat slowly, and the word tastes bitter in my mouth. _Since when did it all have to become so technical?_

"Yeah. I want to look after you Lilly. I really, really like you."

I sigh and shake my head and Oliver returns to sit beside me. He slips an arm around my shoulder and draws my body closer to his, just like we used to sit as friends when one of us needed comforting, and instantly I find myself relaxing. His smell is familiar to me and the feel of his embrace is almost a form of completion. I turn my lips toward him and kiss his cheek, enjoying the texture of his skin during this platonic act of affection. _Why did things have to become so complicated between us? _I know that his mind is whirring and I can almost feel his trepidation and longing to put my need first oozing from his being into my own, and that understanding brings a smile to my face.

"I know you do, and I know that you'll take really good care of me." I gradually reply, "I'm just scared, that's all. But you're right, it would be so much better if both of our first times were with someone that we can trust."

Oliver tenderly strokes my arm and his eyes are warm when they meet mine, "I'm scared too Lilly." He confesses gently, "But there's no one I'd rather be with." I nod before burrowing myself into his shoulder again and he kisses the top of my head.

A few minutes trickle by whilst we sit in our amicable silence and I feel myself conflicting with excitement and antipathy toward the prospect that Oliver has dared to lay before us, on the path we have not yet trodden. Since being with him I have always thought that kissing should be enough for us, because we do that so well, but everything has to change, develop, grow and now there is this twisting thing between us, which will either make or break what we already have.

"When do you want to do it?" I ask, and my boldness shocks me even more than him.

Oliver swallows while he draws his body away from mine, so that he may take my hand again and look into my eyes, "Well, I thought we could do it tonight?"

I blink before his response has a chance to soak in, and then the realisation hits me, "Tonight?" I squeak, "But, that's really soon!"

"I know, it's just that my mum's got this police conference thing tonight and I can't think of another time when she'll be out the house. There's plenty of food in the fridge, I'll cook you dinner and we'll make it special…" Oliver's voice quietened and I know that he is watching me closely.

"Okay." I reply simply, although I do not know how I managed to move my lips when my body is so numb.

"Really?" Oliver is tentative in his questioning, "I don't want you to feel pressured about all this."

I shake my head adamantly, although doubt is writhing through my veins, "I want to." I stand up and he copies my actions, holding me nearer once more before I pull away from him. "I'll see you this evening then." I mutter and meet his steady eyes.

"Yeah. See you later." Oliver replies and leans in to kiss me.

"Bye." I say after we break apart and I leave quickly, shutting his bedroom door behind me.

x-x-x-x-x

I am running from Oliver's house and my feet are hitting the pavement so hard that I fear I have caused a trail of cracks to form behind me, carelessly giving away the path I have trod. I glance back over my shoulder and the road is smooth, unaltered by my passing, so I look forward once more and keep running. My chest is on fire and I am sucking shaky breaths into my deprived lungs as I grow nearer to the goal of my retreat. I do not know what brings me here, except the feeling of safety that an afternoon spent in the company of my best female friend always provides.

Eventually I stop and look up at Miley Stuart's house and a small smile stretches across my features. She will be in; she always is these days, probably working on her homework for Mr Corelli on Monday. It is hot outside and I long to get inside to the coolness of her house. There is no need to knock as I approach the door, it is always open for me, and so I wander in.

"Miley?" I call her name from the bottom of the stairs, but I hear no reply. I am not discouraged by this, however, and boldly climb the stairs. I push open the door to her bedroom and spot her at once, seated in a chair next to her French-windows, head bent over a book in her lap whilst the ocean breeze stirs the locks of her curly brown hair.

"Hello Lilly." She greets me in a lazy voice and I know that I have disturbed her studying, yet she already seems bored of it. So I take this as my signal to enter properly, close the door carefully behind me, dart forward and flop onto her bed. I spread my body lethargically across the covers and press my face downward into her pillows, breathing in her scent until it has filled my lungs and I sigh gratefully. There is something about Miley's smell which is just so comfortable and sweet, and it will always calm my most shredded nerves.

My stresses are still at their height in terms of Oliver though, and I cannot help but allow my patience to grow thin and release a groan of mild despair. I can feel Miley's eyes upon me, although I cannot see her, and my body grows still at once. She stands from her chair and stretches; I hear one of her shoulders click, before she makes her way over to where I am lying. The mattress dips as Miley perches beside me, "Are you okay?" She asks in a quiet voice and I know that she is already aware that something is quite wrong.

I smile into her pillows as I shake my head, "Not really." I reply and my eyes fly up to meet hers. Her expression is guarded, as always, and brunette locks fall around her face as she leans close to look at me. She cannot disguise her concern for me, she never has been able to, but these days I can hardly ever read her.

Miley is forever comforting, however, and she strokes my hair with gentle fingers, soothing me, and I know that if I were a cat I would be purring with delight. "Will you tell me what's wrong?" She breaks our silence in her question. Her voice is so soft that I know already I will not be able to staunch the flow of trauma which is already unravelling from me. She always needs to help me, to be the bridge of sanity during the troubled moments of my adolescent life and I would never begrudge her any of this. It was the cement which held our friendship so endlessly together.

"It's Oliver." I concede and twist my body around properly so that I can see her more clearly. We are now sitting next to one another upon her bed, arms lightly brushing and listening to the surf outside. She bites her lip and I am certain that one of her eyes twitches when she hears his name. I know that it is hard for her, since he is a mutual friend, but she will always take my side, even if it was me who hurt him.

I feel myself cringe inwardly and I feel suddenly foolish for invading her day to divulge this silly information to her. Yet something inside of me is driving me onward, I have an incessant need to tell her _everything_, for Miley Stuart to share in all aspects of my life, even when it is virtually impossible for her to do so. "He wants to have sex with me Miley." There it is, I have thrown it out there between us, as simply as that.

"Oh." Miley says and she grows worryingly quiet. Her shift in behaviour only causes my nerves to flutter further and my eyes are flickering over her features, trying to drink in the way that she must be feeling, whilst a disturbing wave has risen within me that I cannot interpret. Eventually she smiles, ""Wow, things are really getting serious between you and the doughnut then, huh?"

Her acceptance of my statement makes me feel instantly more relaxed with her once more and I admit my swing in feelings to her, "You always seem to make things better Miley." I nestle my head into her shoulder and close my eyes as I breathe in the fragrance of her freshly washed hair. I can feel her mouth stretching into a smile as she presses a kiss into the top of my head. My heart is glowing with tender affection for my best friend and I can only enjoy the silence with her in the greatest content.

Miley's hand strokes my arm compassionately and the movement soothes me further. A warmth which I have not ever felt before spreads throughout my being, starting in the tightening of my chest and reaching throughout me to heighten the rosy colouring in my cheeks, to bring goose-pimples to my arms and shivers down my back. "Miley?" I call out to her again softly and she hums, I know she is listening. I swallow nervously, "I'm just scared. I've never, you know, done _it_, before."

I chew my lip after I make my confession and I break my head away from its comfortable position on her shoulder to look into her eyes. She shakes her head slowly, "Well, neither have I." Miley answers me honestly and my chest heaves a sigh of relief, which only leads me to feel further confused, yet I breeze casually over this emotion.

"I was happy enough just kissing him, but maybe I'm not very good at that so he wants to try something more?"

Miley laughs suddenly and the sound catches me off-guard. She has such a musical laugh and it floods the room around us in a melodic brilliance, "Lilly, don't be so stupid, of course you're a good kisser." She replies and punches me lightly on the arm. I glance away from her cerulean eyes, which had quickly taken to staring deeply into my own. Miley could be so intense sometimes and the effect often wore off on me, in the quickening of my breath and the mild shocks in my chest.

I cannot help but smile and roll my eyes as I contemplate her announcement, "How would you know? You've never kissed me before." I stick out my tongue at her and she giggles. My stomach twinges, _It sounds like I'm flirting with her_, I silently reflect, but I am grateful when she only shrugs. Further quiet descends upon us and doubt creeps across my mind, _What if I'm not a good kisser? Is that why Oliver suddenly wants more from me?_ I can feel my cheeks grow hotter and I hug my legs into my chest, this is embarrassing. Miley is never far from interpreting the slight changes in my mood however, she is already on my case, poking me and asking what is the matter. My throat feels tight and I begin to shake as I realise what I am about to do, yet I cannot help myself, I have an indefeasible need to know. "Well, would you tell me?" I mumble and then press my red face into my hands, _What am I doing?_

"Tell you what?" Miley asks slowly and I can hear uncertainty in her voice.

"…Will you?" I answer, secretly praying that Miley will not understand and brush past whatever it is I am trying to achieve. Yet, at the same time, I cannot help but yearn for her comprehension.

"I will." She whispers and my most desperate wish is granted.

I feel her manoeuvre herself awkwardly beside me on the mattress, but I am suddenly coy and tilt my head away, willing the pink stain which has gathered upon my cheeks to die down. Miley is patient with me, she always is, and waits for me to calm myself. This is impossible, however, and my heart only progresses to beat ever faster in my chest. I swallow nervously before looking into her oceanic eyes. The expression within them is turbulent and I am shocked by their brilliance. Miley is trying to hold something down, something which is forever growing and causing her eyes to burn all the brighter. She blinks, but it has not gone away and I lick my lips, whilst barely realising that I had done so.

It happens with apparent abruptness, yet I had expected it all along, and Miley Stuart, my best friend, is kissing me. My whole body is stirring from the simple sensation of her lips upon mine. She tastes of sweet lip-gloss and, as her mouth parts, she invites me to be daring, and so I slip my tongue into her mouth. I feel Miley shudder from my action but she does not dare to draw away. Neither of us seems to want to but eventually we depart and my trembling fingers go to my lips and I can only sigh satisfactorily.

"I was right. You are a good kisser." Miley's voice dares to breach the quiet, in a whisper, and her hand twists its way into my hair at the back of my neck. Our closeness is invigorating and I think that, if my heart does not stop beating so quickly, I might collapse. I am watching her through half-closed eyes and I feel as if I am becoming infected by some delirium that I had not known until now. The lustful burning in Miley's eyes, which I have finally recognised, is contagious, and I cannot look away from her. Her beauty becomes ever the more striking to me, I had always thought of her as pretty, but now my soul is ravenous to claim her as my own. I long to hold her perfect self in my arms, to touch her in ways that I would never have dared, or thought of before this afternoon. Between our lips a spell has been woven and it will not be undone.

"Then what will happen?" I think, well, at least that is what I intended to keep within the sanctuary of my own mind, yet somehow it became spoken.

Miley takes a deep breath, "Well, the kissing will start you off." She replies and she continues to speak, to sooth my frazzled nerves, to stem the building flow of desire which is building up between us, but it is not enough to end _this._

"Oliver's kisses have never left me feeling like that." I state with complete honesty and I look deeply into her eyes, which are filled with trepidation. I am silently begging her now, asking her for more, my entire being is craving the touch of Miley Stuart. We are gradually becoming closer once more and soon my lips are upon hers. Miley does not pull away or resist and I am quickly coming to realise that she never would.

I am on my back and Miley's body is covering my own, pushing me down into her mattress with even warmth. I am being engulfed, slowly consumed by my female best friend, but I do not mind. My mouth is seeking hers, we are speaking without words and sounds are escaping from our lips which I have never heard before.

"I will show you." Miley says suddenly and her voice is gravely, hoarse and ultimately seductive to my ears. I cannot quench the fire which burns between us or prevent the frantic motions of my mouth, lips, tongue and teeth from claiming what is rightfully mine.

Our clothes are quickly disappearing, although I had not even been aware that this was happening; I was too desperate in my longing to devour everything about my best friend. Her hands are upon my naked body and excited tremors are rising and falling throughout my being. Her skin is hot against my own and I am burning from the heat in her fingertips and the fierce passion that blazes from her cerulean eyes. I am drowning in the cold fire that is Miley Stuart's lust for me, surviving in an existence which is only the knowledge of her, for she is _everything_ to me.

Suddenly Miley touches me in a place that no one has ever dared to before today. My body stiffens as I feel a great wave build up between my legs, whilst I am barely able to hold it back. She brushes her fingers down, haphazardly, in the same manner as she would strike the chords of her guitar. So she plays me, she plays me like an instrument in her skilled hands. The metaphor is almost too much to bear and I feel pleasure course through me like the music which Miley makes. The tempo increases and her rhythm is faster, harder, almost too much to bear, but my body responds and bends beneath her, trembling as the vibrations of the strings react to the strum of her fingers. Finally Miley hits the chord which is to be my undoing. A great accord resounds throughout my being until I am calling out her name in a broken, "_Miley…_" which does not do her playing justice. Yet this lowly cry is all that she needs and her head arches backward, brown curls tumble down her back and her throat emits the most guttural cry, which is the purest harmony to my ears.

The world becomes darker as we collapse, spent, in each other's arms. I cannot think for my mind is a whirring blur of subconscious thought. I feel as if I am slipping away from myself, into some swirling depths in which I cannot again resurface from. My eyelids grow heavy as I settle into the warmth of her embrace. Her lips are curling and pouting against my own once more, and I know only to react to her. Everything has changed and my life is frighteningly alive as I breathe in, taking the plunge into the unknown; knowing Miley Stuart.


	2. Fire and Water

**Breathe Me**

_Ouch I have lost myself again_

_Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found_

_Yeah I think that I might break_

_Lost myself again and I feel unsafe_

I love the smell of nail varnish. I love the smell of nail varnish as it stings your nostrils and temporarily taints the inside of your nose with a sharp and lingering odour. I have just painted my nails blue and I cannot help but admire my handiwork when I know that I should be doing better things with my free time.

I sigh to myself as I arch my body deeper into my chair. The breeze which travels across my face is divine and the only company I keep is the sound of the ocean that crashes into my ears from the beach which neighbours my home. I inhale so deeply that I think my chest will burst and hold the breathe for a moment, living in the eye of the small storm that I have made for myself, before releasing the air for my lungs contently.

I turn my head lazily to the side and squint out of my temporarily closed eyes. My French-doors are opened wide onto the balcony so that I might hear and smell the surf and the distant cries of people on the beach, without having to leave the comfort of my bedroom. The atmosphere around me is warm and I am only wearing a small pair of shorts and a vest-top. I feel naked in my exposed skin, yet exhilarated from the feeling as I relax in my chair, when I should be doing homework, but the weekend is young.

The front door opens and distracts me. I hear a muffled, female voice call my name and I frown to myself before turning my attention back to the neglected book in my lap, but chew my bottom lip with apprehension as I hear her light footsteps upon the stairs.

I can almost count down the seconds until my door is flung open and my best friend stands on the threshold of my room. I do not look up, because I dread to, so I merely drawl, "Hello Lilly."

Lilly shuts the door behind her and crosses the room to my bed where she makes her presence known by flumping heavily down onto the mattress. I raise an eyebrow in response to her action, but I still do not give her my full attention.

"Everything alright?" I ask casually and coolly flick over a page in my book, awaiting her inevitable conversation that will keep me captivated if I do not keep my mind away from its incessant longing to devour everything that she has to say.

Lilly merely groans with her head pushed down into my bed covers and the sound she emits sends a tremor through me, despite the hot summer day that lurks on the other side of my windows. "Miley, help…" She calls out to me softly and finally I look up.

I take another deep breath in an attempt to calm myself when I catch sight of her long blonde hair, sprawled out across my pillows as she lies down on her front, inevitably flooding the bed with her fragrance enough to drive me wild when I try to sleep tonight. I shake my head and get to my feet before crossing the distance between us and sitting down next to her. My hand extends slowly from my side, seemingly acting of its own accord, and is soon hovering over her body, yearning to touch and to stroke the girl before me; but I am restrained.

"Are you okay?" I ask gently, and my voice is quiet, expectant of all of the troubles which she is about to bestow upon me.

Her face twists in my pillow whilst she shakes her head negatively and eventually her eyes find mine. "Not really." She replies and across her face is uncoiling a small smile.

My fingertips fly to her hair where they twist into its golden depths, an act of compassion I am sure, "Will you tell me what's wrong?" My voice almost whines with its need to help her.

Lilly sighs and sits up to lean against the headboard of my bed before beckoning me to do the same. My heart leaps in my chest, but on the exterior I only blink before complying with her whim. We are soon sitting together and our shoulders are touching whilst I await her divulgences.

"It's Oliver." Lilly states eventually and she shifts into a more comfortable position beside me.

"Oliver?" I repeat his name and it is harder to pronounce, it feels thicker on my tongue.

"Yeah." Lilly says softly, and trepidation is clearly laced in her tone, "God, I feel so stupid coming here to tell you this." She looks to me and I can see that within she is cringing, and I can only too painfully predict what she is about to reveal. "He wants to have sex with me Miley."

My eyes widen before I can control my expression and my lips part as I look at Lilly. My heart quickens and I have to fight to keep my breathing even, _why is it always this difficult?_

"Oh." That is my only answer.

"Hmm." Lilly hums out whilst she watches me nervously.

Normality is something which I feel that I need to inject into our conversation, "Wow, things are really getting serious between you and the doughnut then, huh?"

Lilly nods timidly, "Yup. They sure do seem to be." She grins unexpectedly and I feel my stomach churn as it matches her shift in emotion, "Sorry, I'm just getting so worked up about all of this and I just had to come round to see you."

I am smiling now; it is an easy reaction to assume when Lilly is in a good mood herself, "I'm glad that you came round. I'm really happy that you still feel that you can tell me these things." _And because we don't get to spend any time together anymore, and when we're apart I'm worried about whether he's touching you. _I thought to myself, but quickly blinked away the turmoil.

"You always seem to make things better Miley." Lilly quietly confesses and she nestles her head into my shoulder.

We are sitting and enjoying the silence together. My hand drifts over to her arm and I run my fingers lightly up and down, enjoying the sensation of the goosebumps which I bring to the surface of her skin. Lilly sighs and I know that she is comforted by my presence, yet this thought brings a clashing mixture of pleasure and pain to me.

"Miley?" Her voice calls out to me again, dissolving the silence and wrapping me up, even closer to her.

"Yeah?" I reply and my voice is low, lulling her in to disperse her worries.

"I'm just scared. I've never, you know, done _it_, before."

My eyebrows fly up into my hair, yet her anxious face is too appealing for me to resist and so I turn to soothe her, "Well, neither have I." I reply honestly and she chews her lip.

"I was happy enough just kissing him, but maybe I'm not very good at that so he wants to try something more?"

I laugh now; Lilly can be so silly sometimes. I have spent years during conversations with her admiring her lips, sneaking coveted glances at their every pout and curl, and longing to know how they would feel against my own.

"Lilly, don't be so stupid, of course you're a good kisser."

"How would you know? You've never kissed me before." She replies good-humouredly and pokes out her tongue at me.

I shrug lightly, desperately trying to quell the disturbing lust that brews within me, "I just assume that you would be."

Lilly suddenly blushes and turns her head away, an unusual action from the girl who is usually so confident and relaxed about herself. "What? What is it?" I ask her gently and she turns to enlighten me with a goofy grin.

"It's nothing." She replies and a light giggle escapes her.

I am instantly intrigued and I prod her, "Come on Lilly, you can tell me." Lilly's face is near scarlet in colour and butterflies whirl irksomely about my chest in response.

"Well, would you tell me?" Her voice is small because she has just buried her face in her hands.

"Tell you what?" I appear to be slow to catch on, yet a mounting hope is building within me, shrinking my windpipe with trepidation and I am finding it harder to breathe.

"…Will you?" She asks and her anxiety confirms that I know exactly what she means.

My initial reaction is my mind cutting across all irrational desire, to reign in the fervent disturbances which grow in my chest in an attempt to prevent myself getting hurt. Yet my heart speaks out to me, _You only live once. _

"I will." I murmur and I see her unravel before me, and she twists her torso nearer to mine so that we can test the waters.

I rest my hands on the upper parts of her arms and squeeze gently whilst she blushes and tilts her head away, clearly feeling foolish, but I am not about to waste the moment. I am patient and soon she faces me once more, I see her moisten her lips and the sign encourages me. Her face is getting closer to mine, although I have not felt myself move, and our eyes are lingering, connected and awaiting the final moment to close. My eyes flutter shut and her breath is warm on my lips.

The kiss is even more than I had ever imagined it to be and I find myself hoping that it will never end. Her mouth is soft and she is timid at first, yet soon something is writhing between us, a swelling longing which has long gone unspoken from my behalf, and now I am praying that she feels it too. Lilly's damp tongue surprises me as it flickers forward and lightly presses against my own, where we lap at each other's mouths, drinking in the tastes.

We draw away and I am shaking all over. Her eyes are half-closed and her fingertips go to her lips. "Wow." She breathes quietly and I can only watch, awaiting her next move.

"I was right. You are a good kisser." I whisper to her and my hand reaches shamelessly across, to fiddle with her hair, to stroke her cheek and to come to rest with my wrist upon her shoulder and my fingers closed around her neck. I hold us together for fear that we should break apart.

Lilly's eyes are closed and I can feel the internal debate radiating from her as her face twitches and her eyes finally open; burning and afraid. "Then what will happen?" She dares to speak, my chest is on fire and I realise that I have been subconsciously holding my breath.

I remain collected as I slowly draw in more air whilst my mind races with the possibilities that she has unknowingly presented to me, "Well, the kissing will start you off." I reply simply, yet my answer is lame. My spare hand goes up to her shoulder where I trail my fingers lightly down her arm and she shudders. "It will leave you wanting more, and then the rest is what naturally follows." I finish and I can barely disguise my desire for her as her blue eyes flicker over my own, desperately trying to read me.

"Oliver's kisses have never left me feeling like that." Lilly replied honestly and I am surprised. "But…" Lilly looks confused now and her eyes are pleading whilst they return to my lips and I swallow nervously, "…I feel something." She breathes and she is leaning in closer to me.

Her lips are on mine again and I would scream from longing if I let myself. She is devouring me and my hand flies to her waist, to hold her to me as we both ascend to our knees where we struggle in each other's embrace. She is whimpering against my mouth, finally sensitive to the want that she has not felt for Oliver and I carelessly take my advantage.

I lower her slowly back onto the bed, wary that I need to take my time and be gentle or else she will realise her mistake and she will leave me. I cannot be alone. I have been so achingly alone for too long. I need Lilly Truscott to complete me. Without her I am nothing.

She is gasping for breathe as I break the searing contact between our lips and press them instead to the corner of her mouth, which has grown damp. I brush her face with yielding kisses, devoted to the softness of her stained cheeks, the line of her jaw and the pulse-point of her neck. Beneath my lips I can feel the palpitations of her heart and my tongue licks the spot, marking my territory.

Lilly is trembling beneath me and I turn my head to meet her eyes whilst I lie on top of her, restricting her movement and, therefore, escape, although she does not seem to want to go anywhere.

"I will show you." I mutter gruffly and she nods whilst she curls her fingers into my hair, wraps her hands around the back of my head and brings me back down to crash our lips together once more. She bites my lower lip and I groan; this is ecstasy.

I run a steady hand up and down her side, allowing my thumb to brush once up and over the small mound that is her right breast. She gasps and I waste no time in helping her body upward, so that I might pull her top up and over her head, to send it falling to the floor. Her eyes are wide and blazing, the look which she is giving me causes a pulse-point between my legs to quiver dangerously and I wet my lips.

Her small hands are tugging at my clothing and there is no resistance from me in allowing her to gain what she desires. Our bodies are slowly shed of their modest coverings, and we are naked until our waists, which are only protected by the slight sheathing of our underwear. I cover her body with my own once more, pressing our chests together and delighting in the hiss which she releases from the burning touch of skin on skin.

My mouth is once more blessing her lips whilst my hands are restlessly exploring her chest. My heart is pounding from every grunt or whine of pleasure which she dares to emit. I am clumsy and inexperienced in my actions, but this only drives me onward as I yearn to discover her taste, touch and sound. I am bathed in the essence of Lilly Truscott and I will never grow cold from wanting her.

Fingertips curl around the hem of my own underpants and I pause in my ministrations. Her eyes connect with mine once more and within them I catch sight of a raw craving which I have never noticed before. I slowly nod my head and she removes the last of my clothing. My body is shaking as I am consumed by a fiery longing for her touch, but first I am quick in my own movement to leave her just as naked as I am.

I return to hover above her, our bodies pushed together and our mouths moving as one since we wordlessly express our yearning for one another with our lips and tongues. I am wary in my next movement, yet I cannot hold back for much longer for fear that she will cower away and leave in realisation of what I am doing. My hand is creeping its way down her stomach, weaving a path which I have never dared to tread with her before, although it has made my skin itch with desire.

I find my target and my hand slips between her legs. She gasps as someone else touches her for the first time and I mirror the sound. It is the strangest feeling to touch her. She is warm and wet and her whole body trembles when my fingers find her centre. It is like touching myself; only she feels smaller than me and I almost groan from the sensation of her awaiting flesh. I secretly promise that I will be the first person to steer her to completion and, mercilessly, I drive my fingers down hard.

Our bodies are moving nervously and my initiations are far from graceful, yet this does not seem to matter. Her eyes are squeezed shut and she is biting down on her lower lip, holding in a whimper or a grunt, any sign of longing which she cannot dare bring herself to emit, but I will draw it from her.

Her hands are upon my body, carelessly roaming across my chest, revelling in the smoothness of my stomach and the softness of my bottom. She shifts her body beneath me so that I am turned to come to rest upon the mattress at her side, and we are properly entwined in one another's arms. I can tell that she is close from her change in breathing; she is hoarser now and she shakes more.

I gasp suddenly as hot fingers purge my core and stroke at my own throbbing flesh. Lilly is so near, yet she refuses to go without me. I groan my approval and she is spurred onwards in her deeds. We are trembling and sweating, heaving and gasping, until something inside of my best friend breaks and a single sound destroys our poorly assembled silence: "_Miley…_"

My name upon her lips at such a moment was all that it took for me to toss back my head as the greatest wave mounted within me and overwhelmed all other thought. A void took over my mind as pleasure ripped through me and for an instant I was lost to the world that I knew, and plunged in darkness.

As I begin to piece together the parts of me that I temporarily misplaced after Lilly's actions I become aware only of her. Her body is warm as it lies beside me, and I can feel her heart beating in her chest as she still clings to me, and thus I edge closer. My entire bed smells of sex and of Lilly. My fingertips tingle as I wipe their moistness on the sheets. My lips find hers and we share a soft kiss, which only holds devotion, rather than the endless passion from before. We lie still like this for a while, the sounds from the beach as our only reminder of the outer world, and I am certain that she has fallen asleep. My own mind is becoming slowly hazier and finally darkness settles over me and, for a short while, I know no more.

x-x-x-x-x

Movement beside me on the mattress brings life slowly back into my hazy mind. My eyes flutter and part with some small difficulty and I am greeted by my naked best friend, sat up rigidly in my bed with the covers pulled up over herself as far as she could manage. My brow creases into a frown as I acknowledge the painful doubt which has settled over her features and her eyes are wide in panic.

"Lilly?" I call out to her softly and raise my hand to her wrist, a gesture of supplication and an attempt to get her to lie with me once more.

Lilly is shaking her head and her body shifts away from my deploring motion, her eyes barely able to disguise the regret which has trickled so ruthlessly into them. I feel as if I am paralysed, for I dare not move in case I should frighten her away. To have Lilly Truscott leave me when I have just completed my heart's most painful desire with her would break me.

Lilly tugs at the cord between us as she heaves herself clumsily out of my bed with a sheet firmly wrapped about her torso. I can only watch quietly with eyes that grow ever wider as she scrabbles about on my floor for her clothes. I sit up quickly and do not care that my top half is exposed for her to see, she barely looks at me anyway. "Lilly, don't do this." I implore and my voice is low, the sound carrying dangerously across the room.

She looks as if she is about to cry. I can see that she is torn between staying and leaving, the greatest choice of her young life is about to be made and she is riding a thin line atop a conflict of opposites. She must choose; boy or girl, like or love, brown or blue, earth or water, cold or hot, safety or risk, grey or colour, easy or difficult…

"I'm sorry Miley." She finally speaks and her voice is wracked with sobs, "I should never have come."

Tears streak down my own cheeks as my expression mirrors hers and I brush them away with a shaking hand whilst I watch her attempt to dress herself, trying to expose as little of her bare flesh as possible. It feels as if the entirety of my existence had been riding on what had happened in the short space of this afternoon, and now I am going to be left hurting.

The door closes behind her and I do not wait for her to leave my house before I scream. The sound reverberated around the small space of my bedroom and pierced through the walls enough so that I could hear her stumble in the hallway in response to my pitiful cry. She does not stop though and the sound of her retreating footsteps seems to tramp on my heart, wearing me down until I am left, naked and alone, crying into my pillows. I feel cold, hollow, empty and lacking warmth. I sob and my bed coverings become gradually damper until I feel that I could drown in my misery. She has broken me.


	3. Breathing Blue

**Breathe Me**

_Be my friend_

_Hold me, wrap me up_

_Unfold me_

_I am small_

_And needy_

_Warm me up_

_And breathe me_

I am running again, for the second time today I am running away from something that I should not be. This time steady streams of tears are rolling down both of my cheeks, yet I do not think that anything will ever be able to ebb the flow. I have cut up my best friend and the image of her, naked and grieving upon her bed, will haunt me more than any visible scars of physical abuse. Now I have only one destination in mind, but I am turning in the wrong direction.

My feet come to a halt on the pavement. I double over and clutch at my heaving chest. I am in pain and I feel so weary. I do not know which way I am meant to run as I am caught between a rock and a hard place. At the end of the road before me is my boyfriend; Oliver Oken who is steady and kind. Our lives together in our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend have been a natural step up from friendship. We have progressed slowly, chastely, but at the point when I am meant to plunge myself whole-heartedly into something more with him, I trip and find myself sinking in a pool of doubt.

Earlier this afternoon I turned to my one source of eternal comfort: into the arms of my female best friend. I went to her home seeking guidance and relief, words of wisdom, yet I submerged myself into something which I had never imagined could have happened. The moment that she joined me upon her bed, something inside of me had changed forever and, when I looked into her eyes, I realised that she had been waiting for that very moment for longer than I could ever know. What went on between us is insane. Yet, I would not alter it for the world.

I turn and look behind me, back in the direction of my beautiful brunette. I can feel my heart tug within my chest as the invisible thread, that holds Miley Stuart and me together, grows all the more taught with every moment that we spend apart. My chest is throbbing due to the pounding of my heart, almost painfully now, and I know that I can no longer avoid the dramatic change which my life is about to make. It has already shifted in the space of an hour and I cannot go back and erase what we have done.

I turn finally toward the street where Oliver lives and mutter, "I'm sorry."

x-x-x-x-x

I am on her porch once more and I gulp whilst I stand before her front door. _Should I knock this time_? The question rises up among all of the other misty thoughts which fog my mind, but I shake my head and pull down the handle. I slip inside quietly and with great relief I see that no one else is home. I walk briskly over toward the stairs and start to climb. It is the longest journey of my life and my head is spinning from the thoughts which plague my mind.

I stop halfway up my ascent and clutch the banister with sweating palms. I say a short prayer to any god that may be watching, asking them to take pity upon me and for Miley to forgive me for hurting her. I am ready now. I am ready for her and willing to call her my own.

I approach her bedroom door and push it open quietly. Her room is empty apart from her clothes which are still scattered across the floor from where I undressed her earlier. My throat is dry as I look upon the unmade bed; the evidence of our scandalous afternoon in one another's arms. The French-doors are still open, nothing has changed then. _But where is she?_

The noise of falling water suddenly catches my attention and I quietly tread the short distance to the door which separates her bedroom from her bathroom. She is in her shower, I have no doubt of this and only a single piece of wood, two inches thick, now separates me from Miley Stuart. My timing is appalling, yet I cannot be without her for another moment and so, I push open the door without any regrets.

The sound which greets me is a shriek of alarm as Miley realises that she is no longer alone, but this does not deter me and I walk bravely forward and dissolve the distance between us. She is desperately trying to cover her naked body with her arms and her eyes are wide, like a deer caught in the headlights of a car, but this does not matter. I pull open the screen door to her shower and step into the cascading water, engulfing myself in the steam to pull her into my needing arms.

She is sobbing and the sound of her cries causes my heart to splinter that I could be so cruel to my beloved. Tears merge with the water that has already gathered on my cheeks and I grit my teeth as the heat from the shower drenches my clothes, sinking through to dampen my skin. My hair is slicked down my back and my body is shaking as I cling to the brunette, loving her with every fibre of my being.

"Miley, I am so sorry." I finally manage to choke out and her entire body shudders.

"Lilly, please don't leave me." She whispers and moves to hold me even closer to her. I rarely ever see Miley looking so fragile and the way that she cowers into my being strengthens my resolve; she has endeared herself to me, etched her way almost into my very skin.

"I will not." I reply gruffly, my throat is taught with tears and I can barely speak. I only know to hold onto her body, to rub my hands up and down her back, warming her through to her very core. I will put together the pieces of Miley which I broke apart. I draw air deeply into my lungs, inhaling the smell of Miley's sodden hair, her naked skin, every essence of her I breathe.

_I love her._


End file.
